I ‘biohacked’ my body—but my body hacked me back _ good food

Dave Asprey is trying to promote his new book. Fast food and restaurants The press invite I received promised a meet and greet with Bulletproof Coffee’s CEO and founder, as well as “Bulletproof ice cream, cauliflower mash, bone broth, organic avocado yucca toast with wild smoked sockeye salmon, meatballs and more.” I was curious about the man who took the coffee world by storm with the suggestion that adding butter to your cup of joe would help you lose weight and live longer, but I’m also a real big sucker for avo toast.

So, I book it to Bulletproof’s sleek new location in Los Angeles’ Arts District. Restaurants american food The first thing I notice is how good-looking and fit the customers are, because I’m vain. American food restaurants If we’re talking demographics here, everyone at the cafe looks like an extra on the set of a hip CW teen drama where all the actors are 30, but playing 17. Worst fast food restaurants I become very self-conscious, immediately, about the strength of my jawline and avoid eye contact with all the dudes who look like Hemsworth brothers.

Upon arrival, I’m handed a clear mug of the coffee mixture that made Bulletproof famous (or “infamous,” as the press invite described it). Fast food restaurants usa You might remember it—in 2014, it inspired a minor craze, featured on Good Morning America and immortalized in The New York Times write-up titled “The Cult of the Bulletproof Coffee Diet.” Asprey—a self-proclaimed “biohacker”—was trying to sell America on his new coffee, made with beans that were supposedly low on mycotoxins (a fungus that Asprey claims makes you sluggish—like “ Kryptonite,” but hackable). Restaurants and fast food “There’s three components to the coffee. Most fast food restaurants The beans are one of them,” he tells a group of journalists on a Thursday afternoon. Fast food restaurants in america “Almost every country on the planet has laws about toxins in coffee. Top fast food restaurants 2016 But the U.S. Fast food restaurants in my area doesn’t have them.”

The other two ingredients in a proper cup of Bulletproof coffee are grass-fed clarified butter (ghee) and a substance he refers to as Brain Octane™ oil (also known as MCT oil, which is derived from coconut oil—remember this part, because it becomes important to the rest of this story). What fast food restaurants are open This recipe, he tells us, is “carefully engineered to not give you a crash.” He also says it’s supposed to taste creamy, not buttery—but this is the precise moment my body begins to reject the Bulletproof diet. Famous fast food restaurants I take one sip and I already know I won’t be coming back for more. Best fast food restaurants in the world The artificial, greasy aftertaste lingers in my mouth for the next two to three hours.

Asprey’s claim—that adding butter to your coffee will help you suppress hunger, lose weight, boost energy, and even, yes, raise your IQ—is so irresistible it has intrigued the likes of Divergent actress Shailene Woodley, failed football star Tim Tebow, and the Silicon Valley elite. Top 10 worst fast food restaurants Plus, he has the kind of compelling third world-to-first world origin story—that delicious element of exotic mystique—that every tech-bro entrepreneur salivates after: He got the idea, he says, after a trip to Tibet, where he tried yak butter tea for the first time while learning to meditate.

Since launching Bulletproof three years ago, Asprey has expanded his line of products to include a robust portfolio of oils, collagen protein bars, dietary supplements, and other kinds of merch a soft-bodied person like myself might be tempted to buy. How many fast food restaurants in the us He has also opened two cafes, both in Los Angeles (the Arts District location is their second). How many fast food restaurants in america Asprey, meanwhile, has forged a lucrative speaking career—he travels around the country preaching the Bulletproof diet, which involves “avoiding the things that make you weak first. Cheap fast food restaurants near me And then doing the things that make you strong.”

‘I want to live beyond 180 (which is) very achievable,’ says Asprey. Close fast food restaurants near me Like most Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, he’s obsessed with the notion of living longer, and maintaining his youth.

Then, he tells us, “You’re doing things every day that make you gain weight. Closest fast food restaurants near me Why don’t you just stop doing those?” A woman—a fan, I think, not a journalist—nods vigorously.

The first thing I am served is something called “ FATWater™,” a relatively new addition to the Bulletproof roster. All fast food restaurants near me It’s a “mental refreshment” enhanced with B vitamins and, of course, Brain Octane™ oil, available in three flavors. Local fast food restaurants near me “We looked at the rule that says oil and water don’t mix, and we said, ‘Are you kidding? We’re biohackers,’” says Asprey. Best fast food restaurants near me It tastes like off-brand Gatorade, and the flavor of the Stevia—with which it is sweetened—is overwhelming. Healthy fast food restaurants near me Again, the Brain Octane™ oil leaves an unpleasant slick on my tongue. Top 10 fast food restaurants in the world I put it down after a couple sips. Chinese food restaurants near my location I notice that most of the other journalists are also carefully nursing their drinks.

At one point, someone mentions Asprey’s boot, which is loose around his ankle. Exotic food restaurants near me He lifts his ankle up and pulls out a small black device. Food restaurants “I’m running an electrical current on my ankle,” he says, laughing. Fast food and restaurants near me He sprained it a couple of days prior, and injected peptides into the injury. Fast food restaurants near me open now “Even by my standards, this is ridiculous.” Everyone laughs politely, and I wonder if I’m the only one entertaining some healthy skepticism.

Finally, the food begins arriving. Fast food restaurants near me open 24 hours I’m starving, and I am desperate to chase the taste of the FATWater™ out of my mouth. Fast food restaurants near me now The avocado toast is admittedly beautiful—a piece of smoked salmon atop each one. Fast food restaurants near me that deliver (Sockeye salmon, says Asprey, is “the healthiest of all the salmon.”) I don’t know it yet, but the avocado is laced with Brain Octane™ oil. Food restaurants near me that deliver (Remember this. Fast food restaurants open now The sound of my gurgling tummy portends this important right about now.)

Brain Octane™ oil drenched avocado toast (aka the beginning of the end)

I strategically position myself near the toast with the most generous helping of salmon, but the yucca “bread” falls apart in my hand. Fast food restaurants open today I stuff the whole thing in my mouth before I lose it to the floor. Fast food restaurants open late The yucca toast is really thin, and it has the consistency of cardboard. Fast food restaurants open on easter Oprah would not approve. Restaurants american fork Neither did I. Restaurants american fork utah But I’m hungry, so I treat myself to a second.

“I want to live beyond 180 which is very achievable,” says Asprey. Restaurants fast food near me Like most Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, he’s obsessed with the notion of living longer, and maintaining his youth. American food restaurants near me Last July, he recorded himself receiving prophylactic stem cells taken from his butt and injected into his spine (to benefit his brain) on Facebook Live, a procedure he plans to regularly receive for the rest of his life. Restaurants and fast food near me He’s also “banked” his stem cells, for what it’s worth. What fast food restaurants are open today “I’m not going to be old when I’m old,” he assures us. What fast food restaurants are open right now “My brain isn’t shrinking the way 44-year-olds’ (brains do).”

He’s ‘hacked’ his cells. List of fast food restaurants near me He’s ‘hacked’ his sleep. Chinese food restaurants around me He’s even ‘hacked’ his wife’s womb.

The whole premise of the Bulletproof diet is that you are “biohacking” your body by producing more mitochondria (the “powerhouse” of cells, as your sixth-grade science book once taught you). Food restaurants that deliver “It’s a whole new game of understanding how to hack your cells to get more energy,” he says. Restaurant food waste It’s true, I learn through my own research, that you can encourage your cells to grow new mitochondria, but you can also do that with simple exercise.

But this is Bulletproof-speak, a kind of sci-fi jargon that sounds techy but is really just half-baked startup mouth-garbage. Fast food restaurants open christmas day He refers to everything he does as “hacking.” He’s “hacked” his cells. Chinese food restaurants that deliver near me He’s “hacked” his sleep. Fast food restaurant coupons He’s even “hacked” his wife’s womb.

“My wife was infertile when I met her,” he says, without warning. Healthy food restaurants near me “I decided that was hackable.” He put her on the Bulletproof diet (high fat, low carbs), and they soon had two children, no IVF necessary. Restaurants that deliver food near me This claim sounds especially outlandish to me, so I consult Google. Food restaurants that deliver near me On his website, he markets the diet as a one-size-fits-all solution to infertility, and publishes a blog post by “Ashley” who says she solved her barren womb with the Bulletproof diet (and had a “ BP baby”), without ever specifying the cause of her infertility.

Lana Asprey, Dave’s wife, on the other hand, was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which causes irregular periods (and, therefore, irregular ovulation). Chinese food restaurants that deliver In an interview with a website called PCOS Diva, she says:

Within seven months on this program, I for the first time ever had a regular cycle. Fast food restaurants open late near me I could not believe it, because at the time, I was 38. Fast food restaurants hiring near me It was like a miracle to have a regular cycle, to know that, ‘Aha, this is now day 27 and tomorrow my flow will start.’ It did. Fast food restaurants close to me It did the same thing next month and the month after because I had lived with this irregularity my entire life.

I’m no fertility expert, so I send the link to someone who is: Dr. Best fast food restaurants in america Kristin Bendikson, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at USC. Coupons fast food restaurants “Weight loss can be beneficial for all overweight women and lead to improved fertility, especially in PCOS women,” says Bendikson. Fast food restaurants in usa “However, there isn’t any conclusive data for thin PCOS women, that if they change their diet, they’re going to regulate their period and improve their symptoms. Fast food restaurants hiring There’s no body of research that shows that specifically.”

So it’s not totally unlikely that Lana Asprey, after adhering to the Bulletproof diet, and possibly losing some weight, was able to ovulate regularly and conceive children. Soul food restaurants near me that deliver Bendikson, however, takes issue with the insinuation that women with PCOS can’t ever conceive, or that the Bulletproof diet can help women with other fertility issues overcome their challenges. Fast food restaurants that deliver near me “She claims you can slow down the clock,” says Bendikson. Restaurant food cost percentage “No one can slow down the clock.”

But back to the meal. Good fast food restaurants near me I thoughtfully consider a breakfast burrito—made with a coconut flour tortilla, eggs, and turmeric rice—that they place on the table before me. Fast food restaurants hiring at 15 It doesn’t taste so much like a burrito as it does something an alien would make once you attempted to describe to them what a burrito was. Fast food restaurants in california It’s a vague approximation of a burrito—like a collection of ingredients playing dress-up as a burrito. Fast food restaurants in new york This has to do with the “grain-free tortilla,” which fails to accomplish a tortilla’s only job in the case of burrito making: Hold it together. Fast food restaurants close to my location Asprey admits his chef found it challenging to make a tortilla using coconut flour, and I can see why. Fast food restaurants closest to me This tortilla disintegrates at the slightest touch. Fast food restaurant chains It’s grain-free, because grains have “toxins” on them.

These dastardly toxins he so often refers to are “mycotoxins,” but Asprey is wrong when he says that the United States doesn’t regulate them. Fast food restaurants with veggie burgers As Brent Rose wrote for Gizmodo in 2015, “Mycotoxins are everywhere, including human breast milk, and a lot of the meats Asprey recommends in his own Bulletproof Diet.” Asprey has a long list of things you should avoid, because “toxins.” Among these are rice, black pepper, regular non-Bulletproof coffee beans, corn—there are more, but, at some point, I just lost track.

But more importantly, I’m starting to feel a little strange, and I have a strong suspicion why. Find fast food restaurants near me Everything—seriously, everything—was dosed with the MCT Oil, Asprey tells us. Free food from restaurants I only figure this out after I’ve eaten two helpings of the toast, two helpings of the burrito, the meatball on top of cauliflower mash, a small vial of Bulletproof “bone broth,” and a bite of the chocolate ice cream. Food network restaurants near me It’s weird, because he describes the MCT oil as a “hunger suppressor,” but I couldn’t stop eating. Food restaurants near me open I’m starting to feel a little weird, anxious, my heart beating faster, feeling light-headed, I write in my notes. Open fast food restaurants near me I get an odd head buzz, the kind like when you’ve had too much of an edible. Fast food restaurants near my location I start to freak out, a little, and wonder if I’ve … overdosed?

This is followed by a frantic Googling of “MCT overdose.” My symptoms, apparently, are pretty common among users. Mexican food restaurants near my location All the BP commenters insist it will pass as you continue the Bulletproof diet. Soul food restaurants near my location In case it hasn’t been made clear, I will not be continuing the Bulletproof diet. Fast food restaurants around me For one thing, it took me awhile to get the aftertaste—something like a chemical oil—out of my mouth. Fast food restaurants that deliver For another, it’s out of my price range—12 ounces of their ground roast can set you back $19 (12 ounces of a Starbucks blend goes for $9). Fast food restaurants open on christmas day And you know what? I like my coffee black anyway.

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