Middle easternern crisis humor and israeli-palestinian conflict jokes

Israel will stop attacking Hezbollah, but Hezbollah will not necessarily agree to stop attacking Israel. Traditional bulgarian food Hey, we can’t even get Mel Gibson to stop attacking Israel.” –Jay Leno “Lebanon. Traditional bulgarian easter food Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he’d prefer a ‘sustainable cease-fire.’ It makes sense. Sunny beach bulgaria restaurant prices He doesn’t want the killing to stop until he’s sure it will stop. Sunny beach bulgaria food prices So, there will be more killing until the president’s convinced that there will be no more killing. Sarmi bulgarian food Or everyone else runs out of people.” — Jon Stewart “Another day in the Middle East. Sach bulgarian food Obviously the cease-fire fell through, talks fell apart, they lasted about two hours. Popular bulgarian food Even the O.J. Mehanata bulgarian restaurant des plaines jury managed to meet longer than that.” –Jon Stewart “We’re still on the road to World War III. Kapama bulgarian food Things were looking a little grim last week — all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong.

Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she’s not there for cease-fire. Forte bulgarian restaurant las vegas No, she’s there for ‘sustainable cease-fire,’ which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn.” –Stephen Colbert “After nearly two weeks of violence and mounting casualties on both sides, help is on the way.

U.S. Food and drink prices in sunny beach bulgaria Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice finally cashed in her miles today and sprung for a surprise visit to Beirut’s ‘Oh my God, don’t let them shoot down my plane with a Stinger missile’ International Airport. Famous bulgarian footballers … Famous bulgarian food But as some see mayhem and chaos in the violence, Rice sees chaos and makes ‘mayhemade’ [on screen: Rice saying, ‘What we’re seeing here, in a sense, is the growing birth pangs of a new Middle East’]. Buy bulgarian food online Birth pangs? Yes, I believe today’s contraction took out a city block.” –Jon Stewart “More rockets were fired into Israel today. Bulgarian traditional food Israel responded by bombing more targets inside Lebanon. Bulgarian street food Now there’s talk the U.S. Bulgarian restaurants in usa might send some troops over there to help with border security. Bulgarian restaurant shanghai That’s when you know the people over there are in trouble, when they start asking our advice on border security.” –Jay Leno “The Middle East crisis continues right now. Bulgarian restaurant penang Everyone’s trying to leave the area. Bulgarian restaurant nyc Americans stuck in Lebanon say they’re frustrated because other countries seem to be evacuating their citizens faster. Bulgarian restaurant new york On the bright side, we’re almost finished evacuating New Orleans.” — Conan O’Brien “A lot of trouble in the Middle East right now between Lebanon and Israel. Bulgarian restaurant los angeles ca … Bulgarian restaurant los angeles Last night Israel bombed the runways at Beirut’s airport, putting a stop on all flights in and out.

So I’m sorry everybody, you’re just gonna have to cancel that relaxing weekend getaway to Beirut.” –Conan O’Brien “This morning the Vatican weighed in on the crisis. Bulgarian restaurant london The Vatican came out and condemned Israel’s attacks on Lebanon … Bulgarian restaurant las vegas nv which is great, because all day yesterday, the Jews and Muslims were asking, ‘What do the Catholics think?'” –Conan O’Brien “Of course, world leaders are getting involved in the crisis right now. Bulgarian restaurant las vegas Earlier today Germany’s chancellor called for the attacks on Israel to stop. Bulgarian restaurant in new york After hearing about it, a spokesperson for Israel said, ‘You know things are bad when Germany’s got your back’.” –Conan O’Brien “At a joint press conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a ‘de-escalation of Mid-East violence.’ Later, Bush called for both sides to ‘de-angrify’ and ‘de-hurt’ each other.” –Conan O’Brien “Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert arrived in Washington to meet with President Bush.

He’s talking with President Bush about the Israeli-Palestinian border and believe me, if there’s anyone you want border advice from, it’s President Bush.” –Jay Leno “The biggest surprise of the election: it was the lowest voter turnout ever. Bulgarian restaurant in los angeles A dismal 63.2%. Bulgarian restaurant in des plaines That’s the lowest turn-out they’ve ever had. Bulgarian restaurant in atlanta You know we shouldn’t be bringing democracy to the Middle East, they should be bringing it to us” –Jon Stewart, on the Israeli election “Big news in the Middle East. Bulgarian restaurant des plaines il Yesterday the Israeli government began moving thousands of Jewish settlers from the Gaza strip. Bulgarian restaurant des plaines This is huge. Bulgarian restaurant chicago And officials say once the area is cleared of all Jews the area will be renamed Utah.” –Conan O’Brien More Jokes You Might Enjoy:

“Bush is now urging all nations to cut off aid to Hamas and Palestine, including the $234 million we were going to send them.

Bulgarian restaurant boston In fact, to make sure, Bush is putting FEMA in charge to make sure the money never gets there.” –Jay Leno “In Palestine, Hamas won by a landslide, huge, huge margin. Bulgarian restaurant atlanta How does this make Democrats feel? They can’t win anything and terrorists are winning in a landslide.” –Jay Leno “President Bush is in the Middle East this week to promote his Middle East peace plan.

I don’t think Bush quite gets it. Bulgarian restaurant Like today he said, ‘Everything would work out in the Middle East if the Palestinians and the Israelis would just start acting like good Christians.'” ?Jay Leno “An Israeli man’s life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man’s heart in a heart transplant operation. Bulgarian presidential elections 2016 The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can’t stop throwing rocks at himself.” ?Jay Leno “Israel began evacuating thousands of Jewish settlers from the Gaza Strip and as a result, the Jewish settlers will be forced to return to their traditional home: Miami Beach.” –Conan O’Brien “Tough times in Israel. Bulgarian national food The settlers didn’t want to leave because they feel that the land was given to them by God. Bulgarian made cars It’s the same way that Republicans feel about the White House.” –Jay Leno “It’s very sad. Bulgarian guns They tried everything to get these people to leave. Bulgarian guitar They tried water cannons. Bulgarian food uk online They tried special forces.

They tried wire cutters, and finally, as a last resort, they had a black family move in next door, and they just (got) right out of there.” ?Bill Maher, on the Israeli pullout from Gaza “Madonna is looking to buy a home in Israel, and today the PLO told Israel ‘Okay, you can have the land back.'” –Jay Leno “Doctors in Israel are now slowly drawing Prime Minister Ariel Sharon out of his coma to see what his remaining brain function is.

Political experts say it is unlikely someone could run a country with a severe loss of brain activity. Bulgarian food uk I beg to differ.” –Jay Leno “Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has regained some brain function. Bulgarian food store online The bad news: Pat Robertson, still no brain function at all. Bulgarian food store barking You know about this — last week Pat Robertson said Ariel Sharon had a stroke because God was punishing him for dividing Israel. Bulgarian food store You remember a couple of years ago Pat Robertson announced he had prostate cancer? You think God was punishing him for being a pain in the ass?” — Jay Leno “Doctors say that Ariel Sharon is emerging from his coma and can move his hand. Bulgarian food shop london The first thing he did was give Pat Robertson the finger.” –Jay Leno “Positive news from President Bush: Both sides of the Middle East are signing off on his road map to peace. Bulgarian food shop karlovo The bad news is the Israelis think the road goes through the West Bank, Palestinians think it goes right through downtown Jerusalem.” ?Jay Leno “Inspiring developments — Democracy is on the march in the Middle East. Bulgarian food shop in london Yesterday, hundreds of thousands of Palestinians hit the polls for the first time of parliamentary elections in ten years. Bulgarian food shop Which democratically elected party walked away victorious?

Oh, it’s Hamas! Yes, Hamas the militant Islamic group that is very anti-American and calls for the destruction of Israel, and wants a theocracy in Palestine. Bulgarian food seattle Though, on the plus side, they have returned all the money given to them by Jack Abramoff.” –Jon Stewart “Yasser Arafat died earlier this week in Paris. Bulgarian food san francisco And in lieu of flowers the Arafat family asked that everyone just throw rocks.” –Jay Leno “Yasser Arafat is now dead. Bulgarian food safety agency Damn, just when the peace process was going so well.” ?David Letterman “Yasser Arafat died last night. Bulgarian food recipes And this time it looks pretty permanent. Bulgarian food prices How many times did he die this week? Like five? Six? He was turning into Kenny on ‘South Park.'” ?Jay Leno “According to Palestinian sources Yasser Arafat is dead but improving.” ?David Letterman “Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has cancelled his visit to the United States to meet with President Bush.

You see that’s when you know that the situation in the Middle East is bad, when the Israelis are worried that being seen with us will hurt their situation with the Arabs.” ?Jay Leno “I thought this was kind of a breakthrough. Bulgarian food pictures Yasser Arafat says he likes George Bush’s idea of a brand new Palestinian election, as long as they count the ballots in Florida.” ?David Letterman “Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon arrived in Washington Sunday night to give President Bush a 91-page book proving that Yasser Arafat funded terrorists. Bulgarian food online usa White House sources say that President Bush has the book and is almost done coloring it.” ?Tina Fey “Yesterday, Yasser Arafat was finally able to leave his compound. Bulgarian food online store usa And what an emotional scene ? on the way out high-fiving all those suicide bombers.” ?David Letterman

“In an interview, Yasser Arafat’s wife, this hypocrite, she lives in Paris by the way. Bulgarian food online store She said she would gladly sacrifice her son for the Palestinian cause if she had one. Bulgarian food online She also said she would gladly become a suicide bomber herself, except she’s allergic to dynamite. Bulgarian food nyc ‘If it wasn’t for that, I would gladly do it instead of shopping here in Paris.'” ?Jay Leno “The Democrats said today that if they were in power they could get Israel to pull out of Palestine.

Oh shut up. Bulgarian food new york They couldn’t even get Bill to pull out of Monica.” ?Jay Leno “After weeks of pleading from the United States, on Saturday Yasser Arafat finally condemned violence and terrorism in the Middle East. Bulgarian food near me Nothing like a tank coming through your front door to make you change your mind.” ?Jay Leno “Colin Powell’s (Middle East) mission was somewhat a success. Bulgarian food market bristol He came back alive.” ?Jay Leno “Secretary of State Colin Powell turned down an offer from former president Jimmy Carter to get involved in the Mideast peace process. Bulgarian food market However, he did ask Carter to build a shed in his back yard.” ?Conan O’Brien “Earlier today, for the first time, Yasser Arafat issued a statement in Arabic condemning terrorism. Bulgarian food los angeles U.S. Bulgarian food london officials say the statement is a step in the right direction except for the last line which translates into ‘wink, wink.'” ?Tina Fey “President Bush is working very hard on the Mideast problem.

According to a White House aide, President Bush’s speech this week on the Middle East conflict went through seventeen different drafts. Bulgarian food las vegas Which is actually good because the first draft started out ‘Dear Bad Guys.'” ?Conan O’Brien “Yasser Arafat is sleeping on the floor in his office with his closest aides.

He is the first leader to do that since Clinton.” ?Jay Leno “Egypt now says they will no longer recognize Israel. Bulgarian food ireland Well of course they don’t recognize Israel, people keep blowing it up.” ?Jay Leno

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