Redneck words of wisdom

couldn’t hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.( bad shot)

ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking

Here’s a giant update of literally HUNDREDS of sayings that have been submitted over the last year and a half! And there’s a lot more to come!

This old truck wouldn’t pull a slick prick out of a lard bucket.

I was so nervous I didn’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

His pants were so tight if he’d a farted it’d blow his boots off.

Well, I’d smack the fire out of ’em if they acted that way around me.

Ain’t gotta pot to piss in let alone a window to throw it out.

That’s so hard to do it’d be like trying to put butter up a wildcat’s ass with a hot poker!

That boy is so ugly he couldn’t get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds.


Ashes to ashes and dust to dust if it wasn’t for women our peckers would rust.

I’d rather stare directly at the sun with binoculars than …

Don’t worry too much about it. Banana bread bread pudding Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.

That girls jeans are tight enough to see Lincoln smiling on the penny in her pocket.

If you don’t use your head, you might as well have two asses.

Duct tape is like “The Force.” It has a light side, a dark side,

I’m so hungry, every time I swallow my asshole says thank you.

That made my nuts draw up so tight you couldn’t reach them with knittin’ needles.

He’s a nice enough guy, but I don’t think he has enough chlorine in his gene pool.

That makes my ass draw up so tight you couldn’t drive a toothpick through it with a sledgehammer.

I wouldn’t have that in my ass if I had room for a drilling rig.

I’d rather be in hell with a broken back than (fill in the blank).

If he were to give a concert in my backyard, I’d pull the blinds.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens.

She’s so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot

Instead of sayin hey, save it you might marry an jackass one day!

That fellers so dumb, he don’t know sheep shit from cotton seed!

Her behind looks like a couple of squirrels fightin’ over an acorn in a gunny sack.

WHEN IT’S RAINING HARD YOU SAY….IT’S COMIN’ A TURD FLOATER!

Don’t let your alligator mouth overload your mockingbird butt.

You could give her Heaven and Earth – she’d still want a tater patch in hell.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t wipe your friends on your saddle.

That’s about as useful as suckin’ on a titty through a sweatshirt!

That means about as much to me as a strawberry up a bear’s butt.

If duct tape don’t fix’r then you’re not using enough duct tape.

It’s my Mother’s fault. Banana bread recipe with walnuts I was never like this ’till I was born.

Your mother’s so stupid, she thinks cheerios are donut seeds!

That guy is as Nellie as pink ink with a voice that would chip paint.

We was fishin’ on that lake, an’ it come up a cloud an’ the bottom dropped out! (Interpretation: “We were fishing, and got caught in a downpour.”)

The only thing that seperates you from White Trash is your rich husband!

If it can’t be cooked with bacon grease, it ain’t worth fixin’, let alone eatin’.

Well Hell yes it’s hard for him to understand ’cause he’s always got both ass-cheeks wrapped around his ears!

I’m so hungry my belly button is sticking out of my ass hole.

He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of july. Cream cheese frosting for banana bread (Now that is pretty drunk)

He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.

My sister’s soooo ugly, my mom had to be drunk to brestfeed her!

I’m so poor if I stepped on worn out dime I’d bet you a nickle I could tell you whether it’s heads or tails.

You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a handfull of rice!

I’d rather have a sister actively serving in a whore house than….

When I first saw her my eye’s bugged out like a stepped on toady frog!

Your about as useful as a cocky (bird) crap on a pump handle (Australian Rednecks)

Why I’ll slap you so hard you’ll starve to death before you stop slidin’.

Why, it’s so cold here…we got dogs stuck to fire hydrants all over town.

Boy, you best not be messin’ with me; I’ll slap some schtuff on your head ajax won’t take off.

She one of those psycho women that are like havin’ herpes. Glaze for banana bread You never get rid of ’em and they are a real pain

It’s hotter’n an ol’ settin’ hen, settin’ eggs in a wool basket in the summertime.

Boys, if I tell you a rooster can pull a wagon, hitch’em up. Banana bread recipe with nuts (Trust)

I’m hornier than a nine-dicked dawg in a kennel full o’ bitches!

You shouldn’t be huntin’ anything smarter than you. Banana bread topping ideas Try huntin’ worms.

Her pants are so tight her butt looks like two pigeons trying to fight their way out of a toe sack.

His gal is so fat they hire a rodeo clown to distract her when grocery shopping.

He’s about as funny as a piss ant floating on his back with a hard on tootin for the bridge to open up!

You’re so blind you would miss a crawdad playin’ cards with Ray Charles.

Her teeth are so bad, she could eat an apple through a picket fence.

A cat always blinks when you hit it on the head with a sledgehammer.

If it were up to me, I’d take Heaven for the climate and Hell for the company.

Just ’cause the cat had ‘er kittens in the oven, don’t make ’em biscuits! (referring to Yankees coming down south).

She’s so skinny, she look’s like a gut with the shit slug out of it.

Coffee in a can, sugar in a cup, poke her in the butt you wont knock her up.

That is harder to find than a white bean in a black cat’s ass.

Stuck so bad I had to get a four whell drive helicopter to pull my truck out!

It’s hotter than two dogs fucking in an attic on a hot august day.

I don’t know what I drank last night, but my mouth tastes like the bottom of a birdcage.

Riding in a car with a crazy driver…”I was chewin’ buttonholes.”

I’m hotter than a mess of collard greens on the back burner of a $4 stove.

That’s just like wiping your ass with a wagon wheel. Banana bread topping There just ain’t no end to it.

I’m going to see to it that it happens, even if it harelips the governor.

I’ll have my usual Mexican breakfast–a piss and a cigarette.

I don’t care how they handle it cause I ain’t got no dog in this fight.

We’ll have to save this argument until later when he’s not loaded up on loudmouth soup. Banana bread recipe bread maker (drinking)

After all you’ve had to drink, that will run through you like a dose of salts.

I’ve stepped over better than you looking for a place to jack off.

If God had intended for Texans to ski, he would have made bullshit white.

As far as going out with him, I’d rather be in hell with a broken back and colon cancer.

Eisenhower won the election by such a landslide that when he died they were still picking gravel out of his ass.

She’s put so many miles on that pussy that it’s just hanging open like a pea-coat sleeve.

This is just like fucking a skunk. Banana foster bread I’ve had about all of this good shit I can handle.

If frogs had wings, they wouldn’t bump their asses when they land.

I’d like to have two of those coats. Topping for banana bread One to shit on, and the other to cover it up with.

He’s so thin-skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.

You’re just offering me one beer? Do those things come like dead men, one to a box?

I’m not saying she’s ugly, but I wouldn’t fuck her with your dick.

In response to “have a good one,” or “have a nice one,” the answer is: “I already have a good one. I’d just like a bigger one (or a tighter one).”

He’s so weak, he couldn’t pull a sick whore off a douche pot.

Her cooking is so bad, I’d rather had a cold scab sandwich and a glass of snot.

My allergies are so bad, my nose is running faster than I can eat it.

She claims she’s middle-aged, but she’s been around since Jesus was a baby.

It’s raining cats and dogs. Banana bread without baking powder I should know. How to make vegan banana bread I just stepped in a poodle.

I know you cain’t help bein ugly…but you could at least stayed home.

If Madonna was performing in my back yard, I’d draw the drapes.

Tell him I said for him to go pound salt up his ass with a wire brush.

He’s as nellie as pink ink, but give him a ball of twine and a box of hairpins and he could rebuild Versailles.

God made that there person as uuuugly as He could ‘n then kick ’em in the face!

I gotta piss like a russian race horse at the kentucky derby with a glue truck behind him.

You look like ten pounds of smashed assholes packed into a 5 pound bag.

Thats bout as dumb as lighting a match in a sealed room with ol grandma fartbags.

He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn while standing inside with the windows shut.

It was a long time ago, way back when I was knee-high to nothin’.

just because your cat had her kittens in the oven doesn’t make them muffins.

He’s the meanest old bastard who ever shit behind shoe leather.

i’ll be back in a few, I have to drop the browns off at the super bowl.

Don’t hate me ’cause i’m beautiful, hate me ’cause yer boyfriend thinks so!!

Always remember, you will go to Hell for lying just as well stealing.

It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Banana bread using cake mix or as my uncle would say, it’s cold enough to freeze the brass off a bald monkey…

She was so ugly, she could have trick or treated over the telephone.

That boy’s momma shoulda hit him in the head and sold the milk!

Every day is just a role of the dice, and snake eyes is just a way of life.

book available in book stores everywhere and Amazon.com. Banana bread using applesauce ** When submitting a saying, please don’t knowingly

send us jokes by well-known comedians. Banana bread using oil We can’t use their material

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